I lived in Paris for a time. I am half French, having family in Nice, and I pulled a neo-expatriot move and abandoned America for freer lands. At the time, my mother was in a relationship with the Beat Poet and bookshop owner Lawrence Ferlinghetti and he had a friend in Paris by the name of George Whitman. George was also a bookshop owner, the much written about American bookstore, Shakespeare & Co. (Although, technically that was not true--but that is for another day.) Lawrence gave me postcard from his bookshop, City Lights, with an introduction on the back that said something like "George this is Gillian take care of her Lawrence" However, my first stop in Paris was with a friend of a friend of a friend of the family and I got so caught up in trying to survive in Paris "on my own" at 19, I felt like going to George Whitman was somehow going to cheat me out of the true expatriate experience by providing me with unwanted luxuries. (If I had known about George and the insanity that man possessed I never would have thought that!) Unexpectedly, an American friend of mine went to study in Italy and she invited me to visit. By the time I managed to make my way from Paris to Padua, Italy and back again, I was ruined. I'm not really sure what happened but I missed the cold indifference of the Parisian people--being ignored on the whole was quite appealing by the time I made it out of Rome. I had been accosted, groped, yelled at, performed for (read as public-sex-acts-performed just-for-me) attacked and driven to paranoia and fear for my safety in Italy. The last straw was my during desperate attempt to escape Italy in the middle of the night on a Paris-bound train and having to fight off some brute in one of the train cars. I guess is being 5'10" and blonde and 19 and American and traveling alone wasn't for the best combination in Italy. Not to mention
Dear IAMALWAYSRIGHT,
Hello, you! My sisters and I read your column all the time! I think I may have an issue with which you can be of some help. My sisters don't know I'm writing to you! If you post my letter, I hope they cannot tell it is me! (There's four of us girls and they always say that I am the sneaky one!)
I just started dating this nice gentleman from a couple of counties over. The preacher in his church is cousins with the preacher in mine! We met at a church picnic and he is just so handsome! All the girls thought so! So, we've gone out a few times and I enjoy his company very much. He is also very polite, like a gentleman should be and does all the stuff woman say they hate but secretly like it when men do it. You know, opening doors and stuff like that. (I can't believe I wrote that! One of my sisters would knock me down!)
Anyway, he seems interested, you know how a girl can tell, but at the same time, very reserved. Like he has a secret or something. Do NOT ask me if he is married--he is not! It's just kind of like the letter that WTF wrote (and I do not like that name by the way) when she asked you which was more important: actions or words? In regards to a man? You see, I have interacted with this gentlemen enough times to feel myself developing feelings for him. (It is hard not to when I look at that face! Oh, I am bad!) But, at the same time, I get mixed signals from him. One minute I feel like he sees me as a potential wife (I am not going to be young forever!) but then he can pull back and tease me a lot too--like a boy teases his sister? Now, I don't mind a bit of razzing, but it feels like he's trying to distance himself, you know? It makes me wonder if maybe I am wrong about how he feels. And don't tell me to ask him outright--I am not that type of girl! I don't think girls should have to do that!
The issue is that another man is expressing interest in me--like real interest. He does not seem to be holding back any secrets and he is very courteous and gentlemanly. I know it is not wrong to date more than one man at a time--a girl does have to keep her options open! But, I find myself thinking about my "picnic man" all the time. It feels weird to accept a date with one man, if I have another man on my mind. I know girls do it all the time, but I am not sure if I can do it without feeling that I have a secret!
Have you ever dated more than one gentleman at a time? What should I do?
Signed, Belle
Hello, you! My sisters and I read your column all the time! I think I may have an issue with which you can be of some help. My sisters don't know I'm writing to you! If you post my letter, I hope they cannot tell it is me! (There's four of us girls and they always say that I am the sneaky one!)
I just started dating this nice gentleman from a couple of counties over. The preacher in his church is cousins with the preacher in mine! We met at a church picnic and he is just so handsome! All the girls thought so! So, we've gone out a few times and I enjoy his company very much. He is also very polite, like a gentleman should be and does all the stuff woman say they hate but secretly like it when men do it. You know, opening doors and stuff like that. (I can't believe I wrote that! One of my sisters would knock me down!)
Anyway, he seems interested, you know how a girl can tell, but at the same time, very reserved. Like he has a secret or something. Do NOT ask me if he is married--he is not! It's just kind of like the letter that WTF wrote (and I do not like that name by the way) when she asked you which was more important: actions or words? In regards to a man? You see, I have interacted with this gentlemen enough times to feel myself developing feelings for him. (It is hard not to when I look at that face! Oh, I am bad!) But, at the same time, I get mixed signals from him. One minute I feel like he sees me as a potential wife (I am not going to be young forever!) but then he can pull back and tease me a lot too--like a boy teases his sister? Now, I don't mind a bit of razzing, but it feels like he's trying to distance himself, you know? It makes me wonder if maybe I am wrong about how he feels. And don't tell me to ask him outright--I am not that type of girl! I don't think girls should have to do that!
The issue is that another man is expressing interest in me--like real interest. He does not seem to be holding back any secrets and he is very courteous and gentlemanly. I know it is not wrong to date more than one man at a time--a girl does have to keep her options open! But, I find myself thinking about my "picnic man" all the time. It feels weird to accept a date with one man, if I have another man on my mind. I know girls do it all the time, but I am not sure if I can do it without feeling that I have a secret!
Have you ever dated more than one gentleman at a time? What should I do?
Signed, Belle
Dear IAMALWAYSRIGHT,
Greetings! I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your very humorous photo-collage of Cocteau's Orphee. I am a great fan of French film, Cocteau and Truffaut, especially. Would you consider doing Les 400 Coups? That is one of my favorites. How did you create Orphee 2: This Time it's Personal? I enjoy art and literature very much but I can't seem to create anything myself. My respect to you.
Signed, Buff
Greetings! I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your very humorous photo-collage of Cocteau's Orphee. I am a great fan of French film, Cocteau and Truffaut, especially. Would you consider doing Les 400 Coups? That is one of my favorites. How did you create Orphee 2: This Time it's Personal? I enjoy art and literature very much but I can't seem to create anything myself. My respect to you.
Signed, Buff
Dear Buff,
Thank you so much--I am also really pleased with how it came out. It is interesting that you would ask about that piece specifically--because the creation of it was so strange for me. As an artist I have found out something rather disturbing about myself--I always seem to have a more focused process and intense product when I have a specific audience in mind. And when I say "specific audience" I really mean if there is one certain person with whom I am attempting to communicate. Usually my motivation is to reveal myself by removing layers of affectation that I can only access if I am not being too literal or direct. In this particular case, (and I am banking that he does not read this part of my website) there is a young man with whom I am smitten. I become easily frustrated with these kinds of feelings--my human heart wants what it wants when it wants it. However, being a mature modern woman of the 21st century, I allow for time and mystery to waft around me--like a murky swamp biome. This is one of the benefits of experience. In order to rein myself in, though, I need action that I can take that addresses the feelings and desires, without any consequences for revealing too much to soon. Essentially, I channel all of that desire and frustration into saying what I want to say in a way that can be interpreted in multiple ways as to not disturb the mystery or the femininity of my wiles.
That is what I did with Orphee 2: This Time it's Personal. I took a movie I studied in school that I LOVE and I thought he DID NOT like. He, unlike you, does not have penchant for French film. I spent a good amount of time arranging the photos in such a way that reflected whatever was stirring inside me--not thinkning about the original too much--at some point, knowledge of the original gets in the way if I am focusing on it too closely. I'd actually written a paper in college on this movie so I trusted all I needed to know technically for this project would seep out naturally. Then I took things that referred to him directly--things that already existed between us (like Squirrel Nutkin) and things that I already knew about his life (like the German and the Russian) and just started smashing it all in there any way it would fit. In between these smashings, I wove in my own experience, feelings and desires. This allowed me to experience what felt like a conversation with him--one that would not actually be appropriate at this time. The benefit of this is the sense of connection it bestows--and that calms me down...
The best part was when I had essentially put everything in that I had intended to put in, and moved and shifted and refined things to a pleasing state---and then I read through it. Yikes, it fell flat. I mean, it was okay, but it hovered on pretentious--(the worst!)--and it wasn't funny. It was supposed to be funny.
It occurred to me that it might only "make sense" to me--which isn't inherently bad--but....if the point was to communicate directly with this person--I was afraid I hadn't accomplished that. So, I went back to the first square and tried to figure out what I was saying. I have a general rule about not explain stuff, etc. etc. but I am actually really sick of rules right now. Lately, doing what feels right in the moment instead of adhering to these old worn-out personal tenets has been working for me. So, I just went through and labeled each square for his clearer understanding: "these men are struggling...etc.)
Then I loved it!
Thank you so much--I am also really pleased with how it came out. It is interesting that you would ask about that piece specifically--because the creation of it was so strange for me. As an artist I have found out something rather disturbing about myself--I always seem to have a more focused process and intense product when I have a specific audience in mind. And when I say "specific audience" I really mean if there is one certain person with whom I am attempting to communicate. Usually my motivation is to reveal myself by removing layers of affectation that I can only access if I am not being too literal or direct. In this particular case, (and I am banking that he does not read this part of my website) there is a young man with whom I am smitten. I become easily frustrated with these kinds of feelings--my human heart wants what it wants when it wants it. However, being a mature modern woman of the 21st century, I allow for time and mystery to waft around me--like a murky swamp biome. This is one of the benefits of experience. In order to rein myself in, though, I need action that I can take that addresses the feelings and desires, without any consequences for revealing too much to soon. Essentially, I channel all of that desire and frustration into saying what I want to say in a way that can be interpreted in multiple ways as to not disturb the mystery or the femininity of my wiles.
That is what I did with Orphee 2: This Time it's Personal. I took a movie I studied in school that I LOVE and I thought he DID NOT like. He, unlike you, does not have penchant for French film. I spent a good amount of time arranging the photos in such a way that reflected whatever was stirring inside me--not thinkning about the original too much--at some point, knowledge of the original gets in the way if I am focusing on it too closely. I'd actually written a paper in college on this movie so I trusted all I needed to know technically for this project would seep out naturally. Then I took things that referred to him directly--things that already existed between us (like Squirrel Nutkin) and things that I already knew about his life (like the German and the Russian) and just started smashing it all in there any way it would fit. In between these smashings, I wove in my own experience, feelings and desires. This allowed me to experience what felt like a conversation with him--one that would not actually be appropriate at this time. The benefit of this is the sense of connection it bestows--and that calms me down...
The best part was when I had essentially put everything in that I had intended to put in, and moved and shifted and refined things to a pleasing state---and then I read through it. Yikes, it fell flat. I mean, it was okay, but it hovered on pretentious--(the worst!)--and it wasn't funny. It was supposed to be funny.
It occurred to me that it might only "make sense" to me--which isn't inherently bad--but....if the point was to communicate directly with this person--I was afraid I hadn't accomplished that. So, I went back to the first square and tried to figure out what I was saying. I have a general rule about not explain stuff, etc. etc. but I am actually really sick of rules right now. Lately, doing what feels right in the moment instead of adhering to these old worn-out personal tenets has been working for me. So, I just went through and labeled each square for his clearer understanding: "these men are struggling...etc.)
Then I loved it!
Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. Whether you marry or you do not marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. Whether you laugh at the stupidities of the world or you weep over them, you will regret it either way. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Whether you trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Hang yourself, and you will regret it. Do not hang yourself, and you will also regret it. Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, and you will regret it either way. Whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way. This, gentleman, is the quintessence of all the wisdom of life."
