January 16, 2014
No matter where you go--that's right--there you are
WARNING: AN "ABSURD" AMOUNT OF QUOTATION MARKS ARE "USED" IN THE FOLLOWING "ENTRY"--BUT I COULD NOT SEEM TO "AVOID" IT.
Self-doubt can be most unbecoming in a person. Modesty is a beautiful thing, humility even more so. In fact, I read a study about "Competency" that reached the conclusion that the more competent one was, the less competent one appeared to one's self. To illustrate: those who believed they were most "competent" committed the error of not assessing themselves on a regular basis, therefore, hampering their ability to self-correct and enlarge their "competency". They just flat out believed they were "good enough" or "as good as anyone else" and left it at that. However, those who questioned their own "competence" were constantly searching for new methods of "competency" thereby increasing their ability to self-assess and create new approaches to complete tasks "competently". So, in a way, the more competent you are, the less you believe it to be true. (Unless you've read the competency study, of course. That just messes up the whole premise.)
Which leads to my beliefs on the insidiousness of too much thinking. I was born into a culture that believes that thinking represents logic and that "logic" somehow represents "truth". I don't know much, but I do believe that any "truth" worth knowing will be perched at a point of balance between two known or unknown poles. The simplest was to illustrate this, for me, is imagining the male/female dynamic. The place to occupy, that brings maximum connection, harmony and awareness is the center point between the "male" and "female"*. This does not mean to suggest that at all times "correctness" (to steal an Eastern term) comes from my perception of this center point--but of a centeredness that is probably typically outside the perception of my limited self--a centeredness that requires a certain amount of faith to employ. A willingness to believe in a Cosmic centeredness. Otherwise, I am in danger of thinking I know what "Justice" is--and when I think I know that, I am more likely to "take matters into my own hands" to "correct" an "unjust" situation. That leads to those things I wish I didn't see on the news, etc
For me, balance is crucial, mysterious and elusive. There is a line ever-present in which all good intentions can easily spill over into Hell-road. A line that allows "love" to become the heart of violence, "God" to become the heart of hatred and "You" to forever remain You alone--with no thought of the rest of your "Self".
So, Mars. What does this have to do with Mars? Always got to bring it back to Mars.
Now that Stage Two is underway, these are many public opportunities at hand; interviews and such. Now, while I stray toward the introverted, and would probably rather not be interviewed by ABC news, I do have a willingness to step up and do whatever it takes to get to Mars. However, I have an obstacle. He's about 4 feet tall, 68 pounds, blues eyes, brown hair and was last seen blowing up my house in Minecraft (and setting my trees on fire.--damn him!)
I am fully committed to Mars One and, as I understand it, we won't be leaving for at least a decade. By then, my little virtual arsonist will legally be an adult. I am hoping many things....and one of those things is that I can keep my son from worrying unnecessarily about his mother moving to Mars without him. To a child, 10 years is the same as tomorrow. Going on the news violates this primary goal. It will be out of my hands soon enough. One of the purposes of this blog, in fact, is to illustrate my willingness to be public, but as minimally as possible until it becomes necessary.
Now, to tie it all together:
1. I have self-doubt that I am not as qualified as some other candidates appear. (This is unbecoming as a future astronaut.)
2. I worry about my ability to show Mars One I am willing to be public because I have declined to be interviewed. (I don't want to come across as incompetent.)
3. I think that someone with a background (academic, personal, social, economic, you name it) such as mine, may be less valued as a Mars colonist. (This thinking is unbalanced and not based on any real evidence.)
4. If my thinking is unbalanced, where does the balance lie? What is the missing piece?
My honest self-assessment into my competency here is this: what is missing is my relationship to the present moment. I have slipped into the despair of the Past and Future and would most likely be better off "perching" in the Now. Balance equals Now. The I Ching observes that the only place ego can find any purchase in a person, is when that person dwells on the past or future. In the present, in the now, the ego literally ceases to exist.
Responding to what is in front of me, making no plans for future responses, nor reacting with pre-planned responses, will enable me to stay in the present. I least, that's what's worked before.
So say we all (amen.)
Which leads to my beliefs on the insidiousness of too much thinking. I was born into a culture that believes that thinking represents logic and that "logic" somehow represents "truth". I don't know much, but I do believe that any "truth" worth knowing will be perched at a point of balance between two known or unknown poles. The simplest was to illustrate this, for me, is imagining the male/female dynamic. The place to occupy, that brings maximum connection, harmony and awareness is the center point between the "male" and "female"*. This does not mean to suggest that at all times "correctness" (to steal an Eastern term) comes from my perception of this center point--but of a centeredness that is probably typically outside the perception of my limited self--a centeredness that requires a certain amount of faith to employ. A willingness to believe in a Cosmic centeredness. Otherwise, I am in danger of thinking I know what "Justice" is--and when I think I know that, I am more likely to "take matters into my own hands" to "correct" an "unjust" situation. That leads to those things I wish I didn't see on the news, etc
For me, balance is crucial, mysterious and elusive. There is a line ever-present in which all good intentions can easily spill over into Hell-road. A line that allows "love" to become the heart of violence, "God" to become the heart of hatred and "You" to forever remain You alone--with no thought of the rest of your "Self".
So, Mars. What does this have to do with Mars? Always got to bring it back to Mars.
Now that Stage Two is underway, these are many public opportunities at hand; interviews and such. Now, while I stray toward the introverted, and would probably rather not be interviewed by ABC news, I do have a willingness to step up and do whatever it takes to get to Mars. However, I have an obstacle. He's about 4 feet tall, 68 pounds, blues eyes, brown hair and was last seen blowing up my house in Minecraft (and setting my trees on fire.--damn him!)
I am fully committed to Mars One and, as I understand it, we won't be leaving for at least a decade. By then, my little virtual arsonist will legally be an adult. I am hoping many things....and one of those things is that I can keep my son from worrying unnecessarily about his mother moving to Mars without him. To a child, 10 years is the same as tomorrow. Going on the news violates this primary goal. It will be out of my hands soon enough. One of the purposes of this blog, in fact, is to illustrate my willingness to be public, but as minimally as possible until it becomes necessary.
Now, to tie it all together:
1. I have self-doubt that I am not as qualified as some other candidates appear. (This is unbecoming as a future astronaut.)
2. I worry about my ability to show Mars One I am willing to be public because I have declined to be interviewed. (I don't want to come across as incompetent.)
3. I think that someone with a background (academic, personal, social, economic, you name it) such as mine, may be less valued as a Mars colonist. (This thinking is unbalanced and not based on any real evidence.)
4. If my thinking is unbalanced, where does the balance lie? What is the missing piece?
My honest self-assessment into my competency here is this: what is missing is my relationship to the present moment. I have slipped into the despair of the Past and Future and would most likely be better off "perching" in the Now. Balance equals Now. The I Ching observes that the only place ego can find any purchase in a person, is when that person dwells on the past or future. In the present, in the now, the ego literally ceases to exist.
Responding to what is in front of me, making no plans for future responses, nor reacting with pre-planned responses, will enable me to stay in the present. I least, that's what's worked before.
So say we all (amen.)
*Another commonly used dynamic duo to illustrate balance is " Black" and "White"--it used to be a favorite of mine, and I still use it when applicable. The difficulty with these two is the ease in which I can conclude "Grey". Because black and white are colors (they can be!) I easily assume that the balance between them is the same as mixing them--resulting in grey. This is misleading.
Consider:
If
Black + White = Grey
then
Male + Female = ??
It is not the same, is it? The word "Grey" is almost like the word "God"--it is a "closed statement". This means that .everybody thinks they know your meaning when you say it, few ask for clarification, and the assumptions are usually not accurate. Not ideal.
Is "Balance" the same as mixing two things together? My experience tells me it is not.
