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my life before mars
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  • January
    • Jan 02 "What I Learned Watching Battlestar Galactica"
    • Jan 03-04 & Mar 17 "Will There Be Blank On Mars?"
    • Jan 06 "Feeling Star Treky"
    • Jan 07 "Is Mars My Vampire Bill?"
    • Jan 09 "Information vs. Knowledge"
    • Jan 10-13 "What I Learned Watching Star Trek"
    • Jan 16 "No Matter Where You Go--That's Right--There You Are"
    • Jan 21 "A Theory of Believability"
    • Jan 27-28 "Gateway to the Secrets of Manifold Wheat Production"
    • Jan 30--Feb 05 "How NOT To Lie or Paris-the-First-Time, Part I"
  • February
    • Feb 05 "Bloody Rock Yielding Territorial Baboon"
    • Feb 14-20 "How NOT to Lie or Between Two Parises" Parts I & II
    • Feb 21, 22 and 28th "How NOT to Lie or Between Two Parises" Part III
    • Feb 27 "Who the Fuck Keeps Money in an Umbrella?"
  • March
    • Mar 01 "Exile"
    • Mar 02 "Snowy is Right: Some People Never Learn!"
    • Mar 03 "Goddamned Sanctity of Life!"
    • Mar 04-Mar 21 "Parsley, Sage, Kierkegaard and Time"
    • Mar 07 "Use a God You Trust"
    • Mar 08 and 09 "The Vinegar Tasters"
    • Mar 10 "Long Live Portlandia"
    • Mar 13 "Classic Films Reinterpreted"
    • Mar 14 "Classic Comics Rewritten"
    • Mar 29-31 "San Francisco"
  • April
    • April 02-03 "The Goddamned Sanctity of Life Part II: The Bee"
    • April 16 "Classic Films Reinterpreted"
    • April 20 "The Eclipse, The Red Planet and One True Love"
    • April 30 "The 706 (705)"
  • May
    • May 23
  • My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizza-pies
  • Star Maps
  • Things I Hope To Never See On Mars
  • "Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands"
  • Mars One Timeline
  • The Importance of the Apostrophe
  • Ethics, Morals, Principles and Ideals

things i hope to never see on Mars

This is my "Mosquito Swatting" page. I am not sure where I heard this, and forgive me if I totally butcher it,  but someone asked the Dalai Lama about being enlightened "all the time". The Dalai Lama said that on a some days, when a mosquito landed on his arm, he would let it take a little blood and then gently brush it away; on some other days, when a mosquito landed on his arm, he would immediately brush it away; and on some other other days, when a mosquito landed on his arm, SMOOSH!--that mosquito was a goner.


All I am really trying to say, is that is can be satisfying to be a little "judgey" once-in-a -while as long as I am not causing untold wreckage. 


(My apologies ahead of time to Ms. Ryan.)



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Billboards
Billboards had their heyday and it is OVER. Pack it up, Billboards. 

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Garbage Dumps
I don't know one person who is actually in favor of this landscaping aesthetic. Let's just leave this system of waste "management" on Earth.

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Rampant Unregulated Industry
wheeze* cough* 

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Walmart
An acknowledged scourge of the working class--and thus EVERYBODY--this "Siren's Song-based" evil corporation shouldn't be allowed to exist.. Not only do I not want to see it on Mars, I do not want to see it here.

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Malls
I guess I'll have to get crappy Chinese food and designer jeans somewhere else. Portland's got the crappy Chinese food part covered. 

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Unhelpful Two-Party Political Systems
*barf*

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Cookie-Cutter Suburban Neighborhoods
As an artist and a documented Number 4, a general lack of beauty and intention in both public buildings and residential neighborhoods is a major cause of spiritual ennui and depression. Or is that oversimplified? A general lack of beauty and intention in both public buildings and residential neighborhoods is a contributing factor in spiritual ennui and depression in the US. But, with the abolishment of the middle-class clearly underway, this probably won't matter soon enough and gratitude for any living place will kick back in.


Skim Milk
aclimatize
evangelize
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Cats
I know this could be controversial, as people tend to be a bit obsessive about cats. I, however, am allergic and cannot imagine a more absolute "Indoor Cat" situation. Gross.

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Meg Ryan
I mean really---would any of us want to hang out with Meg Ryan? Just looking at her is a chore. Let's leave her where she belongs: under an Earth rock.

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Single Use Plastic Items
There is no logical need or sound reasoning for single-use plastic items on Earth--it is a problem I would like to see left behind. 

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Obscene Amounts of Junk Mail
Paper abuse! Culturally sanctioned species extermination! Oxygen rules!

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Shag Rugs
(Dust-mite Heaven)
I like my dust-mites like I like my mascara--on my eyelashes.

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Aliens!
Yikes! This may be the ONE thing that would keep me from wanting to live on Mars.

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Unapologetic Promotion of Unhealthy and Inappropriate Ideals of a Feminine Beauty
Self explanatory, yes?

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