January 7, 2014
Is mars my vampire bill?
Many of you will recognize the name Vampire Bill being from True Blood. Whether you've read the books or watched the show, this particular plot point is the same: Sookie, a telepath, is originally drawn to Bill because she cannot read his mind. Being near him brings an unknown relief--it quiets all the chaos she is assaulted with on a daily basis. For the first time she can actually feel restful in the company of another person.
Now, I am a Vampire Eric woman myself, but the result is the same. The silent vampire mind offers a brief respite in an otherwise tiring world.
Please, bear with me as I draw this point out--but one of the reasons I started this website was to reveal myself so that I can get as much input as possible about my compatibility with Mars.. As much as I want to go, I don't want to go if if would be a bad match, (For the record, I think it is a great match.)
And so:
I am not sure at this point in my life if I have ever been in love. I am also not sure if thinking I am in love is enough for it to constitute the actual state. I know that when I look back on most of my relationships, I am not dismissive of them necessarily, but I see that the people I chose "became" who I wanted them to be. I created relationships, seemingly randomly, that were almost timing-based. ("Time for a relationship! Let's go fall in love!"). I would hold on to them as long as possible until the illusions started seeping through the facades. And I am not sure it wasn't a similar experience for my partner, either. There may be attraction, there may be chemistry and pheromones ricocheting off the walls--the genesis of the delusion--but it was unsustainable. At least for me. I have many shortcomings and confusions in the relationship department and these are a large part responsible for these "super-finite faux-interactions".
One of the most compelling aspects of falling in love, my experience tells me, is this sudden and total satisfaction of being in the present moment. I don't know about you, but when I am in the company of "The One"I am 100% there. And when we kiss, I am only in the here and now, I am exactly where I want to be and the past and the future fade into the irrelevant conventions that they are. My ego, finding no purchase in this Now state, fades to nothingness and leaves me be, in my love, with my love, connected to love. I am in bliss.
So, maybe, what I am seeking is bliss? Joseph Campbell thinks we should follow it, Some people think they are good with sour cream. Some people think that the workhorse Boxer, from Animal Farm, was a metaphor for the undereducated-working-class-secular-humanist. Some people will see the connection between these three things.
I was made for Mars! I have wanted to travel to space and through since I was a child! Age has not changed that--family has not changed that--God has not changed that--even I, in all my evolutions and revolutions, have not changed that! This is more than desire and passion. It has nothing to do with bravery. It has nothing to do with whether I am a good mother or not. Is it past lives? Is it future lives? Childhood trauma? Multiple sensory perception? Fictitious vampires? Chronic ear infections, sun flares, synthetic fabric, old men by mail boxes, book mold, angel spotting, large orange bridges labeled gold? Intense belief in everything?
White is a color and the heart isn't a muscle! This is my flag to plant.
To paraphrase Bob Dylan: Just how long do any of us have to stare at the sky before we want to be in it?
I am ready.
Now, I am a Vampire Eric woman myself, but the result is the same. The silent vampire mind offers a brief respite in an otherwise tiring world.
Please, bear with me as I draw this point out--but one of the reasons I started this website was to reveal myself so that I can get as much input as possible about my compatibility with Mars.. As much as I want to go, I don't want to go if if would be a bad match, (For the record, I think it is a great match.)
And so:
I am not sure at this point in my life if I have ever been in love. I am also not sure if thinking I am in love is enough for it to constitute the actual state. I know that when I look back on most of my relationships, I am not dismissive of them necessarily, but I see that the people I chose "became" who I wanted them to be. I created relationships, seemingly randomly, that were almost timing-based. ("Time for a relationship! Let's go fall in love!"). I would hold on to them as long as possible until the illusions started seeping through the facades. And I am not sure it wasn't a similar experience for my partner, either. There may be attraction, there may be chemistry and pheromones ricocheting off the walls--the genesis of the delusion--but it was unsustainable. At least for me. I have many shortcomings and confusions in the relationship department and these are a large part responsible for these "super-finite faux-interactions".
One of the most compelling aspects of falling in love, my experience tells me, is this sudden and total satisfaction of being in the present moment. I don't know about you, but when I am in the company of "The One"I am 100% there. And when we kiss, I am only in the here and now, I am exactly where I want to be and the past and the future fade into the irrelevant conventions that they are. My ego, finding no purchase in this Now state, fades to nothingness and leaves me be, in my love, with my love, connected to love. I am in bliss.
So, maybe, what I am seeking is bliss? Joseph Campbell thinks we should follow it, Some people think they are good with sour cream. Some people think that the workhorse Boxer, from Animal Farm, was a metaphor for the undereducated-working-class-secular-humanist. Some people will see the connection between these three things.
I was made for Mars! I have wanted to travel to space and through since I was a child! Age has not changed that--family has not changed that--God has not changed that--even I, in all my evolutions and revolutions, have not changed that! This is more than desire and passion. It has nothing to do with bravery. It has nothing to do with whether I am a good mother or not. Is it past lives? Is it future lives? Childhood trauma? Multiple sensory perception? Fictitious vampires? Chronic ear infections, sun flares, synthetic fabric, old men by mail boxes, book mold, angel spotting, large orange bridges labeled gold? Intense belief in everything?
White is a color and the heart isn't a muscle! This is my flag to plant.
To paraphrase Bob Dylan: Just how long do any of us have to stare at the sky before we want to be in it?
I am ready.
