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    • Feb 27 "Who the Fuck Keeps Money in an Umbrella?"
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February 27, 2014

Who the Fuck keeps money in an umbrella?


How would you answer this question?

Q: You are walking down the street and you come across an umbrella on the ground. Inside it is a large sum of money---cash. The money (or the umbrella, I can't remember) has someone's initials on it and you believe you know the proper owner.

Do you:

a. First, take the money to the person you believe to be the proper owner? or

b. Take the money directly to the police?

Most of the time I want what I want when I want it. I am not alone in this. Unfortunately, more often than not, the desire I chase and when that desire is available for being caught does not align. The only problem with this is in my head ONLY. Apparently,* the cosmos has a whole other timeline outside of my own. Paolo Coelho, in his book The Alchemist, insists that the "universe is conspiring for our happiness." I don't know about you, but this is a tough pill to swallow at times. Could this be actually true?

Fortunately, it turns out this "Happiness Principle" is kind of supported through more than metaphysical principles or blind faith. In FACT, starting with Newton, and his limited gravitational descriptions, moving on to Einstein and his description of fourth dimensions and why gravity works the way it does, and then spiraling deeper and deeper into the nature of All Things and arriving at modern conceptions of String Theory; moving further and further into the building blocks of all life, down from cells to molecules to atoms to quarks, we are literally offered up a scientific explanation as to why the "universe is conspiring for our happiness."  

(Look it up--just kidding, watch this:)

string theory quickie
The point is some of the most annoying platitudes in the world may be true including this winner: "You are exactly where you are supposed to be right now." (Not just referring to physical location.)

So, unless you are successfully fighting the very fabric of the Universe, you probably are "exactly where you are supposed to be right now." But even digging your nails in slightly can land you an a whole new world of despair.


Q: You are walking down the street and you come across an umbrella on the ground. Inside it is a large sum of money---cash. The money (or the umbrella, I can't remember) has someone's initials on it and you believe you know the proper owner. What do you do?


A: Who the fuck keeps money in an umbrella?


Fun Non-Fact:
*Apparently: The word apparently seems to commonly be used right before someone reveals a truth they only recently discovered. (Or after.) Apparently.
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