The Importance of the Apostrophe
Free Soap
When I lived on the East side of Portland, back in the 90's, there was a very special laundromat on the corner of what used to be 39th and Belmont. It had a distinctive quality--it would advertise special things by painting large white letters on the outside windows. For at least a year this laundromat claimed to have:
"FREE" SOAP
My friends and I thought this was hilarious. We wondered if the intended message and what was actually being said were lining up. We asked ourselves-- was the SOAP indeed "FREE"?
We've all noticed before this quotation mark error, have we not? The intention is to call attention to the word-- ("Hot Dogs!" $2!) but what results is just a punctuation error and some funny double meanings.
So, I assumed the quotes were meant to represent italics or an underline--the owner clearly wanted eveyone to know, if you came to this laundromat, you could have:
We've all noticed before this quotation mark error, have we not? The intention is to call attention to the word-- ("Hot Dogs!" $2!) but what results is just a punctuation error and some funny double meanings.
So, I assumed the quotes were meant to represent italics or an underline--the owner clearly wanted eveyone to know, if you came to this laundromat, you could have:
FREE SOAP or FREE SOAP
The freedom of the soap was something to be excited about. We have FREE soap!! I don't think the intention was to imply that the terms of the soap's freedom were yet unclear. Was the soap gratuitous or liberated--whichever--it really didn't matter. Either way, "FREE" Soap was not likely to be accurate. That this might somehow be correct, I have never been able to conceive. To me, the message was this: The soap might be "free," but then again, what you think of as free can be easily disputed. You have been forewarned.....
Time goes by, maybe a year, and then one day the "FREE" SOAP offer is gone--white window letters washed away--no longer an option. It has been replaced with a new deal:
FREE "SOAP"
Now, here was a fresh idea to ponder: was the intention, maybe, to clean the windows and rewrite the message as before? Or had someone suggested that the quotes were in the wrong place? And if so, did they suggest that the right place was around "SOAP"? Or was someone simply trying to do what they had done before, and highlight the fact that the laundromat now had:
FREE SOAP or FREE SOAP
The quotation marks were clearly meant to draw the eye--demonstrate importance. Of course, now the problem was that the integrity of the soap was called into question. Is "SOAP" really soap? Is it only soap-like? Unfortunely, we will never know.
This last batch of White Window Letters lasted at least another year until I moved away and never saw what came next. I don't even think it is a laundromat anymore.
This last batch of White Window Letters lasted at least another year until I moved away and never saw what came next. I don't even think it is a laundromat anymore.
The Apostrophe
I know that the above story is not about apostrophes, but it is one of my favorite grammar-related anecdotes. Clearly there are many rules in the grammar and punctuation world--some easier than others. The one piece of punctuation that I feel is most grossly misused is the apostrophe. Below are some basic guidelines pertaining to the English language that are employed and mostly agreed upon today. The US and the UK do differ in some areas, but as long as you're right in one country or another--you're golden.
I am going to attempt to make it as simple as possible to understand but the fact is, grammar gots some big words.
I am going to attempt to make it as simple as possible to understand but the fact is, grammar gots some big words.
how to use an apostrophe
1. Use an apostrophe in place of an omitted letter, as when forming a contraction:
- I'm (I am) The apostrophe is standing in for the letter A
- you're (you are) The apostrophe is standing in for the letter A
- she's (she is) The apostrophe is standing in for the letter I
- he's (he is) The apostrophe is standing in for the letter I
- we're (we are) The apostrophe is standing in for the letter A
- they're (they are) The apstrophe is standing in for the letter A
These words, and others like them, are called contractions.
Most rules have exceptions. A comomon mistake is with the word 'it':
- It's time for Gillian to board the rocket for Mars. (It is time......apostrophe stands in for the letter I)
- Mars has more than its share of rocks. (Its is a possesive pronoun, not a contraction! It does not get an apostrophe!)
2. Use an apostrophe plus -s to show Possessives of Singular Nouns (ownership--belonging to someone or something). Do this even if the singular noun ends in an -s naturally:
- Gillian's ticket to Mars
- Julia's good-bye letter
- Maria's profound sadness
- Marcus's affectionate farwell
- Elizabeth's proud moment
- Higgins's new career
All of the above examples show a Singular Noun possessing something.
3. Use an apostrophe without an additional -s for (most) Possessive Plural Nouns:
- the Martians' swing set (the swing set belonging to a group of Martians)
- the astronauts' broken tricycle (a tricycle belonging to a group of astronauts)
- the Earthlings' bitter revenge (revenge belonging to a group of Earthlings)
This prevents clumsy verbalizations, like:
The Martians's swing set broke the astronauts's tricycle and the Earthlings's bitter revenge was swift.
Use an apostrophe plus -s if the Plural Noun does not already end in -s:
- the children's tears flowed freely (tears belonging to a group of children)
- the women's interplanetary sewing circle (interplanetary sewing circle belonging to a group of women)
- the people's ineffective rebellion (ineffective rebellion belonging to a group of people)
4. Use an apostrophe plus -s when two or more nouns possess the same thing, but only after the last noun listed:
- Abalard and Eloise's forbidden love (Abalard and Eloise share the same forbidden love)
- Tristin and Isolde's forbidden love (Tristin and Isolde share the same forbidden love)
- Lancelot and Guinevere's forbidden love (Lancelot and Guinivere share the same forbidden love)
Use an apostrophe plus -s for each noun when two or more nouns separately possess the same thing:
- Napoleon's and Josephine's ice cream cones (Napoleon and Josephine each have their own ice cream cone)
- Dante's and Beatrice's paperback books (Dante and Beatrice each have their own paperback book)
- Miss Bennett's and Mr. Darcy's hedge mazes (Miss Bennett and Mr. Darcy each have their own hedge maze)
5. DO NOT use an apostrophe with possessive pronouns because they already show ownership:
- his
- hers
- ours
- yours
- theirs
and let's not forget
- its (from rule 1)
Use an apostrophe plus -s for possessive indefinite pronouns:
- somebody's ugly screen print (ugly screen print belonging to somebody)
- anybody's ugly teapot (ugly teapot belonging to anybody)
- one's ugly temperament (ugly temperment belonging to one)
6. DO NOT use an apostrophe to form a plural noun; only add -s or -es
- bunches of delicious purple kale (numerous bunches of purple kale)
- cakes are often yummy (numerous cakes of yumminess)
- brains can be tasty (numerous tasty brains)
But, to avoid confusion, apostrophes are occasionally used to indicate the plural form of single letters or numbers
- don't forget to dot your i's and cross your t's
- 7's are beautiful in Hebrew
- The Oakland A's
However, letters or numbers in clusters larger than one, DO NOT use an apostrophe:
- back in the 1400s
- those CDs are so shiny
So, that is it! Not too bad, right? I know sometimes these grammar and punctuation rules seem arbitrary, especially if two separate cultures who "share a language" employ different guidelines (i.e. the U.S. and the U.K.--Yikes, guys, get it together! For the record, the British rules make more sense to me.) Grammar and punctuation were created for clarity in the written language and, for the most part, it is pretty effective. But ONLY if it is used correctly.
