March 03, 2014

goddamned sanctity of life!

This is me at 8:03am this morning after dropping my son off at school:

I am walking through the parking lot. It is raining pretty hard so I am looking at the ground; something I don't normally do for more than a second or two. I am almost to my car and I notice a writhing waterlogged earthworm, flailing on the pavement. She's not looking too bad--in terms of bloating (something we witness a lot out here in the Northwestern United States.). I almost start to pass her by but that spiritual training pokes me in the guts somewhere. 

Damn it! Now, I have ingested the earthworm's plight into my consciousness, and I am a part of her fucking story. I just want to go home.

"Fuck!" I say out loud to myself in the rainy parking lot.

I turn and bend down to grab her real quick to throw her an a nearby lawn. But of course, it is not that simple. She's not having any of it. Twist, turn, twist, turn, slip, turn. 

"Fuck!" I yell out loud to myself in the rainy parking lot.

I try again--Come on, Gillian, you used to teach kids--you had a whole earthworm worm curriculum at one point. Tickle it, pick it up, tickle it, pick it up. Damn it. She's not cooperating. 

"Fuck!" I yell out loud to myself in the rainy parking lot. 

Now I am getting really wet and mumbling to myself while still trying to pick the worm up which is still writhing and uncooperative.

 "Fucking......Buddhist..........principles....goddamn.... sanctity.......of life......DUDE!..........just LET me PICK YOU UP already!...........DUDE.........fuckfuckfuck..........FUCK"

Finally,  now that I am soaking wet and my hand is all disgusting from sustained interaction with the worm and the parking lot asphalt, I manage to grab her between the knuckles of my index and ring finger --kind of like one might hold a cigarette. 

"Finally!" I say out loud to myself in the rainy parking lot.

I gingerly step ten feet over to a grassy area and fling her down, at last, on some genuine earth.

"God!" I say out loud to myself in the rainy parking lot. "That was fucking hard enough. Fucking Buddhism"

And that was my epic spiritual interaction with the Universe this morning. I showed up.

Know your worms

This is a worm worth saving.

This is not a worm at all.

This is a worm-like stick.

This worm is not available for saving.

This is a rubber band.

This worm is savable.