February 10, 2014, 7:08am
The big day!
It should be noted that my friend--the very one who bothered to raise the idea of the Mars One mission being beset by Polar Madness and murder, does not think that this experiment is going to be helpful at all. He says because it's a cardboard ship with rats that it's not the same as a real ship with people.
So, I said--don't you believe in Science?
And he said--of course I do, but this isn't real Science.
So, I said--I'm using real lab rats--didn't you notice the lab rats?
And he said, just because there are rats involved doesn't automatically mean that it's real Science.
So, I said, he wouldn't know real science if it walked up to him and bit his nose off. (and to watch out for the rats because that had almost happened already)
And he said, that doesn't make any sense.
So, I said, YOU don't make any sense.
And that was it! I haven't heard from him since! I think he'd rather be in a Fake World with real ships and real people than the Real World of cardboard ships and rat sailors.
He'll be back.
So, I said--don't you believe in Science?
And he said--of course I do, but this isn't real Science.
So, I said--I'm using real lab rats--didn't you notice the lab rats?
And he said, just because there are rats involved doesn't automatically mean that it's real Science.
So, I said, he wouldn't know real science if it walked up to him and bit his nose off. (and to watch out for the rats because that had almost happened already)
And he said, that doesn't make any sense.
So, I said, YOU don't make any sense.
And that was it! I haven't heard from him since! I think he'd rather be in a Fake World with real ships and real people than the Real World of cardboard ships and rat sailors.
He'll be back.
8:33am
Well, as difficult as it may be to believe, I have managed to almost completely prepare for the the first control group experiment. There are only a few loose ends to tie up.
The Belgica II
I spent all night designing and assembling a cardboard version of "The Belgica". I think I will call it "The Belgica II". It turned out pretty well. I took a picture of it in the Palais deVersailles, as my own house isn't very grand.
9:16am
The Rats
The Rats
After a little time on hunting the computer, I managed to find 24 white rats--my lab rats! (I am not allowed to say exactly where I got them, but let's just say it is a popular website and it rhymes with "Dregs Fist".)
Later today we will launch. I have supplied Belgica II with exact replicas, in miniature, of everything the original Belgica carried. I have measured each rat for its bunk, and even though my cardboard ship isn't scaled exactly right, I do think it is close enough. I suppose I will have to temper my findings with this information. After all, I am a real scientist now.
11:44am
I have divided the rats into two groups of twelve. Half for the Belgica II and the other half for the control.
Encouraging the sea-faring rats to form a military-style chain of command is not going well. They seem to be inclined towards a more socialist-based model--or just total chaos. I'm assuming since this is probably typical in humans as well--outwardly participating in a hierarchal system, but internally straddling the line between Communism and Anarchy--that it will lend more credence to my findings. I can only hope that once they are on the water, they will remember why they are here; this is not as pleasure cruise. This is a serious science experiment based on the Second Grade Science Method--if they want to contribute to the first human mission to Mars, they're just going to have to suck it up.
The control group is not much more organized than the Belgica rats. I have instructed them to sit in a cardboard box while we prepare the Belgica II for launching. They are not doing that.
More later after the launch.
Later today we will launch. I have supplied Belgica II with exact replicas, in miniature, of everything the original Belgica carried. I have measured each rat for its bunk, and even though my cardboard ship isn't scaled exactly right, I do think it is close enough. I suppose I will have to temper my findings with this information. After all, I am a real scientist now.
11:44am
I have divided the rats into two groups of twelve. Half for the Belgica II and the other half for the control.
Encouraging the sea-faring rats to form a military-style chain of command is not going well. They seem to be inclined towards a more socialist-based model--or just total chaos. I'm assuming since this is probably typical in humans as well--outwardly participating in a hierarchal system, but internally straddling the line between Communism and Anarchy--that it will lend more credence to my findings. I can only hope that once they are on the water, they will remember why they are here; this is not as pleasure cruise. This is a serious science experiment based on the Second Grade Science Method--if they want to contribute to the first human mission to Mars, they're just going to have to suck it up.
The control group is not much more organized than the Belgica rats. I have instructed them to sit in a cardboard box while we prepare the Belgica II for launching. They are not doing that.
More later after the launch.
2:32pm
O.R.B.E.W.R. is Underway!
O.R.B.E.W.R. is Underway!
Oh my God--thank God they've departed! They were driving me NUTS. So many fucking questions. But it doesn't matter--they're off now and the Official Re-creation of The Belgica Expedition With Rats is underway.
Someone brought a cake to mark the occasion. Cheesecake. I feel a little sick.
I took this photo to show that, regardless of the challenges of preparation, spirits were high at the launch.
Someone brought a cake to mark the occasion. Cheesecake. I feel a little sick.
I took this photo to show that, regardless of the challenges of preparation, spirits were high at the launch.
For the record, Brian, in the water there, was eaten by a giant fish. I don't know what kind it was--but it was HUGE. I've never seen a fish like that! I kind of want to say it was a shark or maybe a whale, but I don't think it was. It was just a really big fish.
No one liked Brian that much anyway. (And frankly, he didn't cost much so it's not too big a loss)
11 Belgica rats still left!
No one liked Brian that much anyway. (And frankly, he didn't cost much so it's not too big a loss)
11 Belgica rats still left!
An artist friend of mine made this sketch of the control group NOT sitting in their box on the dock.
5:01pm
Finally got the control group in the box. Now we wait.
Our thoughts and prayers go with to the rats of the Belgica II--good luck everybody!
